Mesh – Forging and Shaping

As promised, Mesh has gone through another round of edits and now it’s ready for presentation to new lit agents. The changes made to Mesh and the process of these edits reminded of something: forging and shaping steel into a sword. Watch this cool video, and then I’ll explain what I mean:

What you may have noticed at 3:37 of the video is how the blacksmith had to go back again and again to heat, shape, re-heat, and re-shape the steel until the design matched his expectations. Sure, there were plenty of times where he could have said ‘done, good enough.’

However the blacksmith has his standards, and when it comes to writing I have mine. Yes, I thought Mesh was done before, but when it was obvious there were things that could be better, I have no choice. I have to go back and re-shape the material, especially if I expect my ‘blade’ to survive the battle.

Forging and shaping Mesh has other benefits: the feedback received now shows Mesh is a high-MG/low-YA novel, not just a YA novel as previously thought. I wasn’t aware that there was such a strong distinction, but there is and it means life-or-death to an agent query. (Click here to read more about why that matters)

So in a nutshell, Mesh is ready for viewing (again). I sincerely hope that the book is ready for the next phase of the journey, but I have to be ready to go back to the forge if it’s not. Thumbs up!


Your Fear? It’s Called Cleithrophobia

Taking a break from editing draft 1.8 of Mesh. Nearly done, but I’m not going to lie: this writing game is work. Like, serious work. For the moment, let’s talk about something else: that fear you and I are both fighting our way through. It’s the fear of being stuck, and it’s called Cleithrophobia.

I want to discuss it because I’m feeling it more every day, and based on the news happening in the world, so is everyone else. It starts every afternoon, around one or two, the sweet promise of morning is gone and we’re not quite satisfied with the progress we made today. The sun passes its zenith and the sky turns a faded denim blue.

You were going to get farther, the voice whispers. You were supposed to do more. Maybe if you check the news again, someone will have a solution. Maybe a new email has arrived, solving all your problems. The stress builds up in a ball just below your rib cage. You’re stuck, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

You try to block it out, but the fear is always there. It’s compounded by the fact that your eyes are on the horizon, watching or waiting for something bad to happen. You know you’ve prepared as best you can, but it may not be enough. You’re stuck. You’re trapped here. You must wait it out. But the waiting grinds at your nerves.

Did I do enough? the voice in my head whispers. Did I try hard enough? What if I could have done something else? What if there was something I should be doing while you were waiting but I didn’t know to do it? You didn’t see the solution, you didn’t ask the right person, you weren’t watching close enough.

I want to solve this problem, you scream in your head.

So does everyone else, the angry little man answers.

What if I miss out, we scream. There must something else we can do. Something. Anything!

But what, the voice whispers back? Where will you go? What will you do?

I could do this. I could try that!

Look, the voice grumbles back. You’ve got a lifeboat. Stay there. It’s all you can do.

The nightmare is there, just outside your door. So real that your dreams are filled Godzilla-sized monsters blocks from your house. You can see them, but no one else can. You want to scream, to run, to point, to warn. But it doesn’t matter. The only person who can see the monsters is you, and no one will believe you.

The thing about Cleithrophobia is that it’s not just about being physically trapped, it’s about being trapped in situations. You feel stressed because you want to leave the situation, but there’s nothing to be done about it. All you can do is wait, and hope. Try different techniques to combat your stress, or process your feelings. Some people try therapy, others need medication, still others use philosophy. But one thing you can’t do, what none of us can do, is get away. There’s no escape. We’re all in this for the duration.

All you can do is wait, and hope. If you can relate, you should know that you aren’t alone. I don’t know what to do either, and it scares me to death.



Great Moments in Storytelling: King Kong

Thanks to COVID, I’m hacking through my library again, and it gives me the opportunity to talk about great moments in storytelling. Today’s masterclass comes from fifteen years ago: Peter Jackson’s King Kong.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. When Peter Jackson originally planned to make King Kong, no studio was prepared to let him try. Instead, he made a trilogy of movies called ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ leveraging time, technology, and success to come back and re-make the classic movie for a new century.

On paper, that might sound like a bad idea. After all, the 1976 King Kong was beyond ridiculous. What made Jackson think he could make it a success? The answer, in one word: story.

Continue reading

It’s Tough Being an Outlier

It's Tough Being an OutlierI was reading an article about social media and disinformation on the Atlantic. It made me realize that one of my challenges is that being an outlier is tough. Much harder than it used to be. Thanks to the weaponization of information in our post-truth civilization, telling my story is going to be a lot harder than it would be even ten years ago.

It gets worse the more you dig into it. I want to remain a private person, period. I’m not the only person who feels this way, check out this article about Jesse Eisenberg. He makes no bones about his desire for privacy and the emotional minefield of public interviews.

I also think this why Bill Watterson, the creator of Calvin and Hobbes, has no interest in publicity. Some creative people are simply happier when they’re left alone. I think I am one of them.

The question simply is, what is going to happen to me if Mesh goes big? That’s something I think a lot about. I’ve been cultivating my social media over the past several years in preparation for that moment. What scares me is how fast it could get away from me, despite my best intentions. Or worse yet, doesn’t because no one wants to read what I’ve written.

What I don’t want is to become the target of an online fight. I’m afraid of things like cancel culture. But how do I navigate those fears without giving up on my dreams? I’m studying others, figuring out what works for them, as I ponder all of these questions. Right now, I need to get back to Mesh, but wanted to jot these notes down while i was thinking of them.


Rejection Teaches You More Than Acceptance

I was informed today that Mesh was removed from one of the competitions I entered the manuscript into. It’s disappointing, of course, but the silver lining is that I got some insightful feedback from the readers. It’s certainly true that rejection can teach you more than acceptance ever could. Those notes give me fresh motivation to complete this version of the draft and re-double my efforts to get Mesh into the hands of readers.

So what did they think? Here’s the highlights from their feedback:

“Mesh benefits first and foremost from a very marketable setup that feels as if it could cater to a large and very devoted fan base for young adult fiction … That being said, the story does a nice job with plot, particularly when it comes to the activeness of Roman as a protagonist in his efforts to escape from his home. … Additionally, the pages find plenty of fun and original details to implement throughout the narrative, especially with aspects such as the Mesh that links the various students and the exoskeleton that allows Roman to walk.”

I always have a moment when someone professional gives me frank, objective feedback. There’s that dreaded moment, the one where you’re waiting for them to say “Sorry, this has to start all over again.” I’m happy to say that Coverfly didn’t say that to me. In the world of writing, that’s a huge hurdle to cross and I want to make sure I celebrate that victory with you.

Now of course, they had some suggestions on how to improve the story, and I’ll be including them in this upcoming draft. The main thing that I take from this is that Mesh is still moving forward, and people see big things ahead. I’ll take five minutes for a happy dance, and then it’s back to work.


Picture of what an elliptical machine may look like

So one thing I haven’t talked about up until now is how I stay healthy. I know that asking an author for fitness tips is like asking a squirrel to do brain surgery, but it’s still important. We’re all mammals and being creative is no excuse to be fat. So that said, how does a socially-anxious introvert get fit? Let’s take a moment to talk about it.

To begin with, all my exercise tips are based on what I have found works for me. Got it? No ‘one simple trick,’ no ‘lose 30 lbs in 30 days’ programs. I’ve tried them all, and they all suck. Want to know what does work for me? It’s easy:

I stop looking at fitness as a problem to be solved, and instead look at it as something to be curious about. Look at it look a system to be hacked. Take all the judgement out of the equation, and just look at physical fitness and health by themselves. What do I want? What have I tried? What have I learned? What works? What doesn’t? Continue reading

Murder Your Darlings

Quick update – I’m pleased to say that she’s okay. The mild fever passed. No major symptoms. Thank you to everyone who checked in. I don’t want to talk about this more, it’s too painful. Let’s move on to the business of storytelling.

This week, Mesh received frank, direct feedback that targeted the entire structure of the story: Should Roman be a victim of a spinal cord injury (SCI)? The ensuing discussion and resolution to the problem highlights one of the most important and yet painful rules of storytelling: Murder your darlings.

It’s an important issue. When I first considered the idea of making Roman disabled, it received some resistance. Why does he have to be in a wheelchair? I thought a lot about this question – essentially Roman’s story is the story of anyone who got screwed over by life before they got started. I was that kid, in my own way, but I wanted to discuss it from a different view point. I’m also inspired by a teen with spinal bifida but I didn’t want to appropriate his story.

As a means to resolve all potential problems, I settled on a spinal cord injury as the reason why the protagonist of Mesh would eventually find himself with a set of cybernetic legs. It didn’t occur to me that the solution to this problem was a problem unto itself.

And thus, Jackson embarked on a voyage of self-discovery and awareness, as well I should. I’m not a member of that community, and I don’t live their lives or feel their feelings. The idea of a person with SCI being ‘fixed’ is boring to them. It doesn’t represent their experience. To oversimplify the issues of SCI would come across as disrespectful, and aggravating.

So in the end, the choice was painful but clear. I’m embarrassed to admit, being a person with disability, that I was so ignorant of this important issue. However, now that I knew the truth there was no question. I needed to change this central aspect of the story out of respect for those who live with SCI every day. I needed to abandon the idea that Roman was a victim of a spinal cord injury. So that’s what I mean when I say ‘murder your darling.’ I thought I knew what I was doing, using that story element. It turns out that I didn’t. Learning that about yourself is always painful.

The idea behind this rule is simple: sometimes you have to get out of your own way. As a story evolves into its final form, you’ll always find things that need to come out. It might be something simple like a name, or something big like an entire subplot. No matter what it is, when you find that an initial element no longer works, it has to be changed or retired.

That’s when a writer’s ego leaps into the fight. How dare you, it screams. This has to be a part of the story. You can’t take this out! The rule is really about being prepared to kill those darlings, those story elements you held so dear, in pursuit of the final goal: the real story you were meant to tell. Or maybe it’s about killing your darling ego, when its clear it doesn’t know what is best for the story.


When COVID Comes Home

This is a brief post about someone who might have COVID tonight. The SHE in my ME story. The one who made a house into a home, the one who got away. The one we don’t talk about. The one I left behind when I started all over again. Her.

Tonight she texted me heartbreaking news: The doctor’s office where she worked/works at, the owner tested positive for COVID. She doesn’t have any major symptoms, but she’s running a half-degree warm. She’s quarantining herself, and my anxiety left shoots through the roof. For the next 24 hours, I’ll be terrified of every text, and I’ll be terrified of every silence. We’re both freaking out about what the next 24 hours might mean.

Neither of us are dumb enough to think that a virus will bring us back together. We’re better off as friends, and we both know that. But she doesn’t have anyone else to call, and there’s no one else I’d rather hear from. And now maybe she’s sick. Maybe she’s in trouble. That’s one more lifeline that might fray in the fire of a global pandemic.

I didn’t want to talk about COVID before. It wasn’t personal, it wasn’t right for me to talk about it. But now Coronavirus has come home, and I can’t think about anything else.

Writing is the key. Just have to find the lock.

Sci-Fi in the Apocalypse

Oregon doesn’t have a shelter-in-place order, but I’m planning ahead. The Governor keeps saying there’s no order but we all know different. We’re going to be stuck inside like the rest of you in a matter of days. As I said before, scifi needs to graduate from dystopian stories, and if it wasn’t clear before we should all know it now.

So what kind of scifi should we be reading/writing in the apocalypse? My feeling is pretty simple – we can do what we always did. For example, in times of leisure we focused on what the world would turn into if certain factors did not improve. Now that they are upon us, we can continue.

For example, we can use our imaginations to focus on what happens when the world is a better place. There are genres like this already – solarpunk for example. There’s no reason we can’t turn our attention to what the world will look like when it is free of disease, crime, and violence.

Just like Gene Roddenberry, we can imagine a happy future for ourselves and march toward it. There’s no reason we can’t start doing this right now!

Warm wishes, and happy dreams. And wash your dang hands.

#StuckInsideStory – Free Stories While You #QuarentineLife

Quick joke – today, #QuarentineLife is trending on Twitter. Not #Quarantinelife, #QuarentineLife. Let that sink in. I have good news, though. Through Saturday, I’m giving away free e-copies of ‘The Battle of Victoria Crater,’ a gritty scifi western about greedy landowners, desperate settlers and a lone gunman … on Mars.

Click Here to Read

Hope you enjoy it, if anything it will help you as you get through your #QuarentineLife, or your #QuarantineLife. Whatever floats your boat.